But you look so well!

Oh, how I hate those words.

They mean that there was a time when I didn't look well. They remind me of past flares when I was struggling to walk, to get dressed, sometimes even to breathe. Whenever I hear them spoken I generally switch off; it's almost as if the person saying them isn't worth trying to explain the struggle of a flare to, or they're not willing to understand. I nod and smile, but inside I'm cringing.

One of the best comments I've had came from someone who really should know better and who knows quite a lot about lupus. Well, a lot compared to the general population it seems. I was feeling pretty rough, but still managed to push myself to go to church. I didn't have the energy to make myself look half decent so my rash was left uncovered, something unheard of when I'm out somewhere and people don't know the details of what's happening with me. This person told me that my rash looked good on me and that I should leave it uncovered because it gave me a little colour on my cheeks, just what I needed to appear healthy. Thanks... At least the disease I've got makes me look good!

Now. Here's the odd one. I recently bumped into my first boyfriend who also happens to be the first guy to tell me I'm beautiful, not pretty. The last time I saw him was a couple of years ago when I was coming out of my first real, and so far worst, flare. I had the hints of a rash still there, but nothing like how it is now, I was ghostly pale, lost a lot of weight and I could hardly stand up straight. When I saw him this time, I had make up on, hair done , walking normally and felt half decent. And he tells me again, in front of his mum this time, that I'm looking really well, but especially considering the last time I'd seen him.

My reaction? Oddly, I didn't mind. Seriously. I let him off with it because I knew he meant it and knew he wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it. I still smiled, but this time it was in agreement. Maybe I only did that because of who he is, what he was and what had happened between us. Or maybe because it was the first time I agreed with the person saying it.

Whatever happened, it was worth it just to see his mum's reaction.