When the invisible becomes obvious.

I've been flaring and it's obvious to everyone now. After months, and I do mean months, of limping, crying in pain at least twice a week, eating painkillers without a second thought and generally feeling miserable, I decided to ask for help.

I asked for crutches. Yes, someone who looks perfectly healthy, radiant even thanks to my rashes, using something that's associated with disability.

I had reached that stage where it was getting stupid looking disabled not using them. I've been in agony; not just a little pain that goes away overnight, but full-blown constant pain. I couldn't stand for more than a couple of minutes before everything started to swell, and then it'd be a few more minutes before it was time to sit down thanks to the pain. There's no point in even thinking of going out as it's pointless... I'd be far too sore and fed up being sore to enjoy it.

After a while, it gets very boring being like that. I'd tried the whole pushing through the pain thing where you just keep going despite feeling awful, which didn't work. Obviously. Time to try a different approach... Asking for something to make life easier, hence the crutches. (I'd originally thought about getting a cane, but then I'd realised that it wouldn't be a good idea to put so much weight on a single wrist.)

Even though it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to ask for, it was worth it. I can actually walk, yes walk, and I'm definitely in a lot less pain. But the best part? In a twisted sort of way, it's got to be that I actually look sick. My pain is now visible and it's almost as if people can finally relate to this.

Best of all... people carried things for me!